Embracing Ageless Vitality: Dr. Carla Marie Manly on Joyful Aging and Overcoming Ageism – ANEW Body Insight Podcast Ep 38

Welcome to the ANEW Body Insight podcast, where your host Dr. Supatra Tovar empowers and inspires your journey towards optimal health. This episode features a riveting discussion with Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a renowned clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author of the transformative book "Aging Joyfully". Together, they delve into the secrets of joyful aging, tackling societal ageism, and the mindset shifts necessary to age with grace and joy.

Dr. Carla shares her expert insights on how to counteract the youth-centric pressures of society and redefine what it means to age meaningfully. From exploring the depths of emotional resilience and self-awareness to practical advice on setting boundaries and maintaining intimate relationships, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone looking to enhance their mental and emotional well-being as they age.

Listeners will learn how to embrace the aging process with optimism, turning societal expectations on their head and finding fulfillment in every decade of life. With Dr. Tovar’s expertise in psychology, nutrition, and fitness, the podcast provides a holistic approach to wellness that resonates with people of all ages.

Tune in to evolve with us as we explore how to live a balanced, healthy, and joyous life beyond the numbers of age. This episode is not just a conversation; it's a call to action to rethink your relationship with aging and embrace a life of vibrant health and happiness.

Visit Carla Marie, here her social media  links are: https://www.drcarlamanly.com/,  https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly/?hl=en, https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-marie-manly-8682362b,  https://www.facebook.com/drcarlamanly/ ,  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQmSoiWGJEBasrIV3lrPsXw.  

Discover more: Visit anew-insight.com to explore our "Deprogram Diet Culture" course and dive deeper into a life of enriched health and enduring wellness. Follow us on our socials at  YouTube (@my.anew.insight), and at ANEW-Insight.com. Follow us on social media (@my.anew.insight) for updates and exclusive content Available on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/5IRab6o

Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

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Welcome to the ANEW Body Insight podcast,


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empowering and inspiring your journey to optimal health.


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Hosted by Dr. Supatra Tovar, clinical psychologist,


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registered dietitian, fitness expert and author of Deprogram Diet Culture:


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Rethink Your Relationship with Food, Heal Your Mind and Live a Diet-Free Life,


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and Chantal Donnelly, physical therapist and author of Settled:


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How to Find Calm in a Stress Inducing world.


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We follow our guests’ journey to optimal health,


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providing you with the keys to unlock your own wellness path.


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Tune in and evolve with us.


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Welcome
back to the ANEW Body Insight podcast.


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We are back for the second half
of our interview with the amazing author,


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life fulfillment expert, and clinical
psychologist, Dr. Carla Marie Manley.


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Dr. Carla, welcome back.


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Thank you. I'm so happy to be with you.


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Wonderful.


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Dr. Carla gave us invaluable insight
into relationships,


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and she is back now to talk about
something that I think a lot of us


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really tend to kind of stress out about,
and hopefully we can reduce this stress.


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We are going to talk about joyful aging.


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Dr. Carla.


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Welcome back.


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Tell us about your book.


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Aging Joyfully.


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I know that it offers a really inspiring
take on embracing the aging process.


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What are the key mindset shifts
that people need to make


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to age with grace and joy?


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Wow, that's a big question.


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So I it's it my


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I think was my second book, Aging Joyfully


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is the title of my second book,
and one of the reasons I wrote it was


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because, as with each one of my books,
I always feel called to write them as.


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So something's coming through me saying,


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write this,
this is what you need to write now.


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And what I had been running into,
I used to run pre-pandemic,


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women's support group, in addition
to my private practice with over


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300 members and I was hearing from women,


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get this from 20 about 25 and older,
they one of the most


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constant things I heard was
I am no longer relevant.


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I am getting— 25? 25!


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I am no longer relevant.


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I am no longer. Yes.


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And so when I was talking to
my publisher about the book,


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they wanted to make it for


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women 60 and older and I said, no,
it needs to be women 40 and older.


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So we went back and forth
and they finally did it for 50.


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And older.


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But I know in my heart
it's for women of every age. Yes.


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Because in today's youth driven world.


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So this is the first point I want
to bring up the first cure, so to speak.


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Realize we are in a youth driven world


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that makes money from making women
and men.


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Regardless
now your gender for making us feel old.


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And the sooner they get into our heads,


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whether it's at 15, 18,


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25, 35, 85, it doesn't matter this,
but they're starting much earlier


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to tell us that we need to look 17


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in order, or 16, which
is when you start looking at the ads.


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That's really what most of them are going
for, this sort of 16,


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16 year old look, that
anything older than that is not beautiful,


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is too old, is no longer relevant,


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then we can see this pernicious influence
to make us what they want us to buy.


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They want us to buy clothes, products,
lotions, lipstick,


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injections, plastic surgery,
whatever it is.


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And I'm not judging any of that.


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You, as listeners,


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do what makes you feel good,
but do it for the right reason.


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Do it for a reason that's coming from you.


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As one of my dear friend says,


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you want to look at that
face in the mirror and find it


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familiar and lovely.


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Yes. And that may be wrinkles.


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It may be gray hair,
it may be loads of makeup,


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it may be no makeup, whatever it is.


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But you get to decide
when you look in that mirror.


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Not what you're seeing on Instagram,
not what you're seeing in a magazine


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or on a screen.


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You get to decide,
when I look at that in that mirror,


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I love that person.


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Some of that is going to be exterior,
right?


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The look, the external features,
most of it.


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This is the second piece.


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Most of


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it comes from that light inside of you,


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that light that allows you to radiate,
that allows you to be beautiful.


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And this is the example I use.


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There's a woman, Marion Woodman.


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She's now passed away.


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She had written, addiction to perfection.


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And she found her calling in life
when she was, I believe, in her 50s.


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And I met her when she was like 82.


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She was stunning,


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vibrant, cornflower blue


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eyes,
wrinkles everywhere, beautiful gray hair.


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But she was gorgeous.


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Her energy was just this incredible


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loving, I—


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I was entranced
and that is ageless beauty.


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So we want to notice that we get to decide


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as individuals,
regardless of gender, regardless of age.


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Who we want to be


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in the world and lean into that.


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So this is the third piece
which ties they all tie together.


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I the world has a lot of ageism in it,


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and we hear this from especially women


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who want to get back into the workforce
after they've retired.


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I know one you know, a woman
who was telling me recently,


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well-educated, good job, retired,


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she needs to supplement her pension.


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And because it's a small one and she went
to a local gardening store and they said,


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maybe you're better


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off volunteering somewhere. Wow.


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And this is a woman, very agile, very fit.


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She's in her late 60s
and she was gently nudged


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to go garden or volunteer somewhere
where she could do that.


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Not a paid position.


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That's ageism from the outer world,


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and that's another piece
we want to be able to fight.


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Ageism, to really be able to stand up


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and notice
if we are doing it to other people.


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If you were in a helping profession
and I know many clients have told me


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one was a client
was telling me the other day,


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they went to the Dr.
and the Dr. was saying,


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well, you're a bit old for us to do this
surgery.


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It's an elective surgery,
but the person's physical health is there.


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But the Dr. was judging whether or not


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the surgery should be done
because it was elective.


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When it was something that was,
the client wanted it done.


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And so there is a lot more ageism


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in the external world when we think
that medical practitioners are doing it.


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I could see not doing a surgery
because somebody's heart


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is really, you know, in precarious shape
because they're 95.


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That makes sense.


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But for somebody who's wanting a surgery,
say no because you're this old.


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Had another client, tell me.


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She saw her Ob-Gyn was talking about


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her sex drive going down,
and she was in her 60s.


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The Dr. get this.


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Listeners said, well, at your age, do you
still really want to be having sex? Wow.


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Is that.


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Go on and on about Dr.s and the things
that they said and the things that I've


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heard. Yes.


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So we want to be careful because
many people look up to medical Dr.s.


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And that person, had they not talked to
me, they may have thought,


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was there something wrong with me
that I want to have sex with


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my partner still?


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I mean, is that something
I'm supposed to stop at 55?


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Like,
am I going over the speed limit here?


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Yeah, there's an expiration date on your sex life.


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Yes, there's an expiration to sexuality.


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Unless you're a male, in which case
it's shows signs of virility.


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But if you're.


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So we want to look at ageism


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second and have have questions. Yes.


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At be curious if somebody is telling you
something that sounds as if it's ageism.


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Like that comment about the individual's
sexuality, desire to have sex.


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It's okay to call it, and it's
okay to say, you know,


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I think I'm going
to put in a complaint on that


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because that was
a really inappropriate thing to say to me.


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I can have. It is sexist as well.


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Oh, it's sexist,
and that individual can have sex until


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they are 108 years old.


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If it's so, if that's what.


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So we want to be aware to
not just be accepting.


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But if something sounds like ageism,
it likely is.


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The next piece is to be aware


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of self ageism.


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And I coined this term in Aging Joyfully


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because we want to be aware
if we're doing it to ourselves.


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Notice, listeners, any time you're saying


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I'm too old to start a second career,
I'm too old to write a book.


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I'm too old to leave my partner.


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I'm too old to get married.


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I'm too old to get a partner.


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I'm too old to run a marathon. Hey,


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you may not be physically
fit enough to run a marathon,


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but you might be able to get fitness
enough to do that.


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We are, you know, to to really do
some strength training.


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You might not finish in the top ten.


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Maybe you will.


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But the point is, notice that voice
that is telling you


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that you're too old to do anything


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because you


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have the
capacity to do whatever you want to do


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until the day you're
not physically on the planet anymore.


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And yes, I love it.


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It reminds me of that
one of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford.


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Whether you think you are
or you think you aren't,


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either way, you are right.


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Absolutely.


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And those voices that are telling us
we aren't or we can't,


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they are one of the biggest killers
of joy.


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Because it's like a parent
sitting on your shoulder or you know,


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somebody constantly shaming you telling
no no no no no you can't, you can't know.


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We want to be our,
our biggest cheerleaders.


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Would it be saying well yeah it might take
me a little longer but I could do that.


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Oh it might be something I've never done.


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And of course, I'm not saying to do things
that are unsafe.


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If you are, you know, if you are


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have a


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hip replacement, you might not want to be
jumping out of a parachute.


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But maybe if your Dr. cleared to you,
maybe you can.


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It's really all about noticing


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that a joy
set point and optimism set point.


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Yes, we do have that natural set point.


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Research shows that, but we can overcome.


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So if you have a set point
that's a little bit more pessimistic.


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Your actions can overcome that.


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How you start your day I'm a huge


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believer in affirmations
and using music to uplift


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and using gratitude to uplift
and using connection to uplift.


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Because just like depression can be


00:12:07:03 - 00:12:10:03
contagious, negativity can be contagious.


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And what I mean by that, I'm
sure anyone who's been around,


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somebody who's in a really negative mood,
just going around


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being really grumpy and Eeyor-ish,
it tends to be a bit contagious.


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It's like, no, no, this doesn't feel good.


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I feel worse now.


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But if we work on leaning


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into optimism, hope, positivity,


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making our world bigger, we often as we
age, make our world smaller.


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Absolutely.


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I love how you talked about the
the ageism that we see,


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especially through social media, through
advertising, through what, you know,


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we're told that
we're not good enough at a certain age.


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And I think it is so important for people
to start to filter out those voices.


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I mean, this is a part of my book in Deprogram Diet Culture,


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where people are trying to sell us stuff.


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And I think we really need
to be as cognizant about that as possible.


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And the way that they sell things to us
is by telling us we're not good enough.


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But going deep within,
like you are talking about,


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you know, increasing your optimism,
really,


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watching how you talk to yourself


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and calling out people who are telling us,


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you know, whether or not we are done


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with having sex or we're too old for this,


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being our own best expert and saying,
I don't agree with that.


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And this is how I am going to present
myself to the world and be proud of that.


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I love all of this because


00:13:52:24 - 00:13:56:24
most people see aging as loss.


00:13:58:01 - 00:13:59:20
I hear it all the time.


00:13:59:20 - 00:14:02:20
I'm too old or or aging sucks.


00:14:03:04 - 00:14:04:21
You know, getting old sucks.


00:14:04:21 - 00:14:08:11
My mom says that a lot,
and I'm always like, mom, don't say that


00:14:08:22 - 00:14:11:22
because I think
it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.


00:14:12:10 - 00:14:16:02
So give me your take on
how to reframe that.


00:14:16:03 - 00:14:20:00
What would you suggest
people say to themselves,


00:14:20:00 - 00:14:23:06
or how do they get out of that
kind of mindset?


00:14:25:17 - 00:14:28:02
One of the ways we get out of


00:14:28:02 - 00:14:31:24
that mindset is first to become aware
that we're in it.


00:14:33:07 - 00:14:35:16
Because in truth


00:14:35:16 - 00:14:38:20
we are aging from the moment
we are born.


00:14:39:13 - 00:14:41:16
So we are always aging.


00:14:41:16 - 00:14:44:17
And aging does involve loss.


00:14:45:05 - 00:14:48:04
But everything involves loss.


00:14:48:04 - 00:14:52:01
An infant
who you know loses their first teeth,


00:14:52:22 - 00:14:59:09
a teenager is losing often
you know some of the baby fat and they're


00:15:00:17 - 00:15:01:20
neural pruning is


00:15:01:20 - 00:15:06:06
taking place all the time
where we are losing so many of the neurons


00:15:06:06 - 00:15:09:20
that we're not using,
we are losing all the time.


00:15:10:04 - 00:15:13:04
But when we're young,
we're not focusing on it.


00:15:13:04 - 00:15:15:19
When we're young,
we're focusing on the horizons


00:15:15:19 - 00:15:18:19
in this big, vast future.


00:15:18:21 - 00:15:21:01
Yet in truth,


00:15:21:01 - 00:15:24:17
even if we're 14, we don't know
if we're going to wake up tomorrow.


00:15:25:18 - 00:15:28:18
We don't know that if we're 55 or 85.


00:15:29:03 - 00:15:32:09
So the best we can do is really focus


00:15:32:09 - 00:15:35:23
on that beautiful horizon we have,
which is today.


00:15:37:07 - 00:15:40:00
We're not certain,
any of us, that we will have a tomorrow.


00:15:40:00 - 00:15:42:12
We only have this today.


00:15:42:12 - 00:15:47:23
So really take, I think, one of the
biggest mindset shifts we can, can make in


00:15:47:23 - 00:15:52:15
the aging process is to realize, yes,
I might be experiencing a little more


00:15:52:15 - 00:15:58:23
difficulty running or even walking
or seeing yet I can still walk.


00:15:59:07 - 00:16:01:04
I can still see.


00:16:01:04 - 00:16:02:20
And I'll never forget.


00:16:02:20 - 00:16:05:06
It was just before the pandemic.


00:16:05:06 - 00:16:08:02
I was in my bank and a woman came in,


00:16:08:02 - 00:16:12:03
and I don't know how she walked there
because there weren't


00:16:12:03 - 00:16:16:08
a lot of homes nearby, and she came in
and they said, hello, Mrs.


00:16:16:08 - 00:16:18:04
So-and-so, how are you doing today?


00:16:18:04 - 00:16:22:03
And she had this big walker
and was going like big, vibrant smile.


00:16:22:03 - 00:16:22:23
And she said,


00:16:23:23 - 00:16:25:21
I’m still walking.


00:16:25:21 - 00:16:29:12
And you could I mean, it was just because
that's what she was really paying


00:16:29:12 - 00:16:33:02
attention
to was the fact that she could still walk.


00:16:33:15 - 00:16:36:06
And I'm certain—not certain.


00:16:36:06 - 00:16:37:18
But I would imagine that


00:16:37:18 - 00:16:40:22
when she was a lot younger,
she wasn't using a walker and was,


00:16:40:22 - 00:16:45:08
you know, a lot more agile, yet
you could see that she was grateful.


00:16:45:19 - 00:16:48:23
And so that's the piece
where our choice comes in.


00:16:49:18 - 00:16:53:01
We can be grateful for what we have, for


00:16:53:01 - 00:16:58:08
the sight that we do have for the,
you know, physical abilities we do have.


00:16:58:08 - 00:17:03:02
We can use our energy to be grateful and
to make those areas as strong as possible.


00:17:03:12 - 00:17:06:13
Or we can lament our loss and put that


00:17:06:13 - 00:17:10:19
same amount of energy
into a void of negativity.


00:17:10:19 - 00:17:11:14
We can do that.


00:17:11:14 - 00:17:14:24
We can pour it into that empty
black pit of negativity.


00:17:15:08 - 00:17:18:20
And that's the part
we don't have a choice about aging.


00:17:18:20 - 00:17:22:10
We don't just happening to everybody,
but we can choose


00:17:22:17 - 00:17:26:17
how we see it,
how we choose to embrace it every day.


00:17:27:03 - 00:17:30:18
Yes, it's the essence of mindfulness
that you're talking about.


00:17:31:10 - 00:17:36:16
I think that most people are either,
you know, ruminating, ruminative


00:17:36:16 - 00:17:41:16
about the past, or they're anxious
about this future that's about to come.


00:17:42:02 - 00:17:48:13
And especially as they get older, I think
they really do fear being infirm, being,


00:17:49:12 - 00:17:51:18
useless or,


00:17:51:18 - 00:17:54:18
you know, not having their faculties


00:17:55:00 - 00:17:59:00
because that's
how aging is portrayed here.


00:17:59:05 - 00:18:02:05
But if you look in other cultures,


00:18:02:12 - 00:18:03:24
you know, especially the blue zones,


00:18:03:24 - 00:18:07:05
I think at the blue zones
are so fascinating to me because I think


00:18:07:05 - 00:18:11:05
that they really do
embody much more mindfulness.


00:18:11:05 - 00:18:16:08
They're present in their day, they're out
gardening, they're really focusing


00:18:16:08 - 00:18:21:06
on their social interactions,
and they've done this their entire lives.


00:18:21:15 - 00:18:25:11
And I think cultivating that
as soon as you can,


00:18:25:15 - 00:18:29:12
so that you can really appreciate
what's happening right


00:18:29:12 - 00:18:35:10
now, will actually make you stronger,
make you more, resilient


00:18:35:17 - 00:18:38:22
to any kind of physical difficulties.


00:18:39:04 - 00:18:42:04
I absolutely love that.


00:18:42:14 - 00:18:47:10
You talk a lot
about emotional intelligence as we age.


00:18:47:17 - 00:18:49:16
Tell us a little bit more about that.


00:18:49:16 - 00:18:53:09
Tell us how that evolves with age
and how older adults


00:18:53:09 - 00:18:55:14
can continue to cultivate that.


00:18:56:20 - 00:19:00:06
I see emotional intelligence as such


00:19:01:15 - 00:19:03:08
a gift because


00:19:03:08 - 00:19:08:24
unlike our cognitive intelligence,
which is pretty much inborn,


00:19:08:24 - 00:19:09:22
we can grow it.


00:19:09:22 - 00:19:14:00
But it's, you know, pretty much inborn. EQ.


00:19:14:00 - 00:19:18:24
Emotional intelligence
is something that we can all attain


00:19:19:01 - 00:19:23:19
if we put in effort
and emotional intelligence.


00:19:23:19 - 00:19:28:03
For listeners who really don't know
much about it, it is about,


00:19:28:14 - 00:19:32:14
especially if you were raised
in an environment in childhood


00:19:32:14 - 00:19:37:09
where there wasn't healthy conflict
resolution, healthy emotional regulation,


00:19:37:15 - 00:19:41:14
generally healthy social skills, empathy,
all of these


00:19:41:19 - 00:19:46:21
really important pieces,
you might think, oh, well, I'm good.


00:19:46:21 - 00:19:50:11
You know, people at work like me,
my wife doesn't connect with me.


00:19:50:11 - 00:19:51:20
My boyfriend doesn't like me.


00:19:51:20 - 00:19:54:20
I'm a you know, I've been through
relationship after relationship.


00:19:55:05 - 00:19:58:00
Well, that might tell you


00:19:58:00 - 00:20:01:00
that your EQ isn't high.


00:20:01:02 - 00:20:05:23
And again, the lovely part about EQ
is it can be earned.


00:20:05:23 - 00:20:07:12
We can all


00:20:08:15 - 00:20:11:22
get high levels of EQ it takes work,


00:20:12:01 - 00:20:16:12
it takes mindfulness,
it takes slowing down.


00:20:16:18 - 00:20:19:18
And often,


00:20:20:05 - 00:20:23:13
the complaints
other people have registered to us


00:20:23:13 - 00:20:27:02
if we start listening to them,
oh, you never listen to me or oh,


00:20:27:02 - 00:20:31:03
you always make things about you or oh,
you get overly dramatic


00:20:31:03 - 00:20:32:05
or oh, you're always angry.


00:20:32:05 - 00:20:35:18
If we listen to some of that,
we might have some clues,


00:20:35:18 - 00:20:38:18
not always to


00:20:39:02 - 00:20:42:04
where we can lean in to greater emotional


00:20:42:04 - 00:20:44:08
intelligence.


00:20:44:08 - 00:20:47:08
And that's why conflict resolution


00:20:47:08 - 00:20:50:20
is one of those really key skills.


00:20:51:06 - 00:20:55:18
Because EQ is not a given.


00:20:56:00 - 00:20:59:08
It does not necessarily
come as you get older.


00:20:59:17 - 00:21:02:24
So there are people in their,
you know, 20s who may have great


00:21:02:24 - 00:21:06:19
EQ and people in their 70s and 80s
who may have terrible EQ.


00:21:07:06 - 00:21:10:18
What we want to realize
is sometimes in later life,


00:21:10:18 - 00:21:15:02
when we're out of that daily grind,
those raising kids


00:21:15:02 - 00:21:19:14
and getting ahead financially,
we might have more time.


00:21:19:14 - 00:21:23:09
Not that we don't can't
always make time to do self work,


00:21:23:15 - 00:21:27:03
but sometimes times as we get a bit older,
we have a little bit more


00:21:27:18 - 00:21:32:20
free time on our hands to engage
in self work, and that is when we can read


00:21:32:20 - 00:21:36:05
books or work with a psychotherapist
to learn


00:21:36:05 - 00:21:40:18
things like reflective listening,
you know, mirroring back


00:21:40:18 - 00:21:43:18
what somebody says rather than always,
you know,


00:21:44:05 - 00:21:47:05
attacking or not listening at all.


00:21:47:07 - 00:21:50:23
And so as we start to develop our EQ,


00:21:51:12 - 00:21:54:10
we feel better about ourselves.


00:21:54:10 - 00:21:56:12
And it's interesting.


00:21:56:12 - 00:21:58:20
Well, we were talking before about


00:21:58:20 - 00:22:00:10
in, in the other podcast


00:22:00:10 - 00:22:03:10
about at the very end
where you wrapped it up and you said,


00:22:03:17 - 00:22:07:15
why, you know, you seem so calm
and like you wouldn't have conflict.


00:22:07:18 - 00:22:08:21
I actually


00:22:10:04 - 00:22:11:19
have decided long


00:22:11:19 - 00:22:14:22
ago that
I don't allow conflict in my life.


00:22:15:18 - 00:22:18:18
I don't mind disagreement in my life.


00:22:19:03 - 00:22:23:15
I don't mind differences,
but I don't do conflict.


00:22:23:22 - 00:22:25:00
I try love.


00:22:25:00 - 00:22:29:20
Yes, because when we use
and I talk about this in my fourth book,


00:22:29:20 - 00:22:30:17
the Joy of Imperfect


00:22:30:17 - 00:22:34:01
Love, people will say, oh, I'm so conflict
avoidant, I'm conflict avoidant.


00:22:34:13 - 00:22:39:02
And the reason I even try and help couples
not use words like fight


00:22:39:15 - 00:22:42:15
is because the minute we use words
like fight,


00:22:43:01 - 00:22:46:01
the body is thinking, okay,
I'm going to war.


00:22:46:08 - 00:22:49:08
Yeah, there's going to be a winner,
there's going to be a loser.


00:22:49:22 - 00:22:53:16
And when we have that mindset
in intimate relationships,


00:22:53:23 - 00:22:57:16
somebody is going to go down and
nothing is likely going to get resolved.


00:22:57:16 - 00:23:02:16
But when we instead say, we can disagree,
let me hear your perspective.


00:23:03:03 - 00:23:06:03
I want to, you know, then offer
my perspective.


00:23:06:08 - 00:23:10:20
Let's see where we can join on this,
where we can collaborate,


00:23:10:20 - 00:23:14:15
where we can commune as in communicate.


00:23:15:04 - 00:23:20:08
And when we do that,
when we and I actually learned that


00:23:20:23 - 00:23:23:16
throughout, you know,
the years of realizing, wait a second,


00:23:23:16 - 00:23:28:09
if I just take conflict off the table,
if I take fighting off the table,


00:23:28:15 - 00:23:31:15
and if somebody wants to fight with me,
I'll say, you know,


00:23:32:07 - 00:23:33:13
I'm not fighting with you.


00:23:33:13 - 00:23:36:23
When you're a little cooler,
I'll have a discussion with you.


00:23:37:15 - 00:23:40:03
Yeah,
we can sit and commune about this topic,


00:23:40:03 - 00:23:43:03
but no, I'm not going to fight with you.


00:23:43:07 - 00:23:45:19
There's no no. Upside.


00:23:45:19 - 00:23:50:04
I feel like the more, objective
we become in


00:23:50:05 - 00:23:53:14
just kind of having
a level of metacognition.


00:23:53:14 - 00:23:55:04
Oh, I'm getting mad.


00:23:55:04 - 00:23:58:13
What do I need to do
in order to calm down?


00:23:58:21 - 00:24:03:16
That leads us towards connection
and away from conflict.


00:24:03:16 - 00:24:06:16
And I think that that is so important.


00:24:07:00 - 00:24:12:06
And I love that, you know,
we can cultivate this as we grow older.


00:24:12:22 - 00:24:15:19
You also talk a lot about the mind body,


00:24:15:19 - 00:24:18:21
spirit connection and holistic wellness.


00:24:18:21 - 00:24:20:06
And I think it's all tied.


00:24:20:06 - 00:24:22:07
You know what we were just talking about?


00:24:22:07 - 00:24:25:07
Holistic wellness is a part of that.


00:24:25:09 - 00:24:30:14
How do people nurture their mind body,
spirit connection?


00:24:30:14 - 00:24:32:21
What tips do you have for people?


00:24:35:08 - 00:24:38:22
I love that you said metacognition,


00:24:40:01 - 00:24:42:22
because I believe that is one of


00:24:42:22 - 00:24:47:02
the biggest steps is to simply work


00:24:47:02 - 00:24:51:16
on realizing that we can go above
get bigger.


00:24:51:19 - 00:24:55:07
We can see things
from different perspectives.


00:24:55:07 - 00:25:02:13
We can get out of this
I am and into something larger than that


00:25:02:22 - 00:25:07:04
that allows us to see
that as singular units.


00:25:08:11 - 00:25:11:04
Life is very


00:25:11:04 - 00:25:11:23
meaningless.


00:25:11:23 - 00:25:14:05
We can't exist, you know.


00:25:14:05 - 00:25:19:07
So though not for very long,
that we do need community, that we do want


00:25:19:07 - 00:25:22:15
healthy interactions and so when we look


00:25:22:15 - 00:25:26:15
at the body mind, spirit connection
that we


00:25:26:15 - 00:25:29:15
I often talk about the Cartesian split,


00:25:30:01 - 00:25:33:01
which dates back to Descartes,
who was, you know,


00:25:33:17 - 00:25:38:12
at the forefront of helping us believe,
wanting us to believe that the body


00:25:38:16 - 00:25:42:17
and the mind were two separate things
and that the body was a machine.


00:25:43:08 - 00:25:47:11
And that was the first time,
really in history where people started


00:25:47:11 - 00:25:51:11
looking at a split between body,


00:25:51:13 - 00:25:56:15
mind, spirit, because before and then,
especially in ancient tribes, right.


00:25:56:15 - 00:25:58:06
It was all connected.


00:25:58:06 - 00:26:01:06
You are a being,
a spirit, you are all one.


00:26:01:08 - 00:26:04:11
And so now we have to work to realize and


00:26:04:18 - 00:26:07:17
to come back to that place of you.


00:26:07:17 - 00:26:10:21
I we are body, mind, spirit


00:26:11:14 - 00:26:17:08
and that there is that constant interplay
of the three and our world


00:26:17:08 - 00:26:20:11
also tries,
the society tries to tell us that


00:26:20:11 - 00:26:23:15
it's not so that we can do an action.


00:26:23:15 - 00:26:27:00
We can thieve  if we can lie, we can cheat,
we can steal,


00:26:27:11 - 00:26:28:22
and we're getting away with something.


00:26:28:22 - 00:26:30:03
We'll get ahead in life.


00:26:31:06 - 00:26:34:06
The body, mind, spirit, connection


00:26:35:06 - 00:26:38:22
really reminds us
that which is, I believe,


00:26:38:22 - 00:26:40:17
why some people don't subscribe to it.


00:26:40:17 - 00:26:42:16
They don't like that trinity.


00:26:42:16 - 00:26:47:05
The responsibility that comes with
when you hurt someone else,


00:26:47:14 - 00:26:52:20
you rob, cheat, steal, lie,
whatever that is affecting your own body,


00:26:52:20 - 00:26:56:08
your own mind, your own spirit,
that beautiful trinity.


00:26:56:18 - 00:27:00:04
And it's yes,
because then you get out of balance,


00:27:00:04 - 00:27:06:01
whether you acknowledge it or not,
you become more out of balance because


00:27:06:15 - 00:27:11:05
ideally, you're working to find
your North Star, to live your North Star.


00:27:11:05 - 00:27:16:03
And as you do that,
it does create more awareness


00:27:16:14 - 00:27:19:24
of what the body, mind and spirit need.


00:27:19:24 - 00:27:22:24
And I think we see this
in the world of addiction


00:27:23:11 - 00:27:27:10
where people get unfortunately,
so out of balance


00:27:28:02 - 00:27:31:23
with their body, with the mind,
and with that beautiful spirit


00:27:32:05 - 00:27:37:15
that they're looking for some substance,
whether it's alcohol, oxy,


00:27:37:15 - 00:27:43:00
weed, work, sex, you know it
whenever addiction it is shopping to


00:27:43:00 - 00:27:47:17
for self-soothing
when really the soothing is available


00:27:47:17 - 00:27:50:17
when to learn to make friends
with your being.


00:27:51:13 - 00:27:53:13
Your body wants you to breathe.


00:27:53:13 - 00:27:55:09
Your body wants you to rest.


00:27:55:09 - 00:27:59:21
Your body wants you to have this
beautiful homeostasis of peace.


00:28:00:10 - 00:28:03:18
But we often get into this fight
or flight gain.


00:28:04:05 - 00:28:06:04
That is the mind


00:28:07:06 - 00:28:09:04
racing, racing, racing.


00:28:09:04 - 00:28:14:19
And the body is saying, oh my God, I'm
so tired of running and racing.


00:28:15:03 - 00:28:18:03
And the spirit sometimes just checks out,
I think.


00:28:18:12 - 00:28:22:21
And so I really believe that
when we become more mindful


00:28:23:08 - 00:28:28:00
and it takes us back to the right place
of connection and communication,


00:28:28:14 - 00:28:31:14
so many of the healthiest societies


00:28:31:19 - 00:28:35:22
have practices
that encourage connection to the self


00:28:36:10 - 00:28:41:11
walking, you know, walking by the sea
or in town, sitting at a cafe,


00:28:41:20 - 00:28:46:11
joining, having community, having family
down the street, round the corner,


00:28:46:20 - 00:28:49:20
making time for life.


00:28:50:05 - 00:28:53:11
Yes. Life versus—Dr. Carla


00:28:53:16 - 00:28:55:04
Yes, yes.


00:28:55:04 - 00:28:58:15
I, I you know,
I resonate with everything you say


00:28:58:15 - 00:29:01:15
and I think it is so important as we age


00:29:01:22 - 00:29:07:03
that we learn how to truly love ourselves.


00:29:07:03 - 00:29:13:09
And I think we live in a society
that really promotes self-hatred.


00:29:13:09 - 00:29:17:24
And I think it is so detrimental to us,
especially as we age.


00:29:18:08 - 00:29:22:16
And if we can start to filter out
some of these influences


00:29:22:23 - 00:29:27:01
and really tune into our body,
our mind and our spirit


00:29:27:07 - 00:29:31:06
and listen
to what it's actually wanting and shift


00:29:31:06 - 00:29:35:20
our focus away from what we don't have to
what we do have.


00:29:36:04 - 00:29:39:07
We can then age joyfully.


00:29:40:03 - 00:29:41:06
We are out of time.


00:29:41:06 - 00:29:44:08
But I want people to know how
they can get a hold of you.


00:29:44:08 - 00:29:46:09
How do they work with you?


00:29:46:09 - 00:29:48:04
How do they get your books?


00:29:48:04 - 00:29:49:17
Tell us everything.


00:29:49:17 - 00:29:53:10
My website is probably the easiest drcarlamanly.com


00:29:53:10 - 00:29:57:24
Carla Manly.


00:29:58:09 - 00:30:00:13
You can see links to my books there.


00:30:00:13 - 00:30:03:10
Links to my podcast Imperfect Love.


00:30:05:01 - 00:30:06:22
I'm on Instagram, Facebook,


00:30:06:22 - 00:30:11:04
TikTok, LinkedIn, all the usual places.


00:30:11:04 - 00:30:14:24
So probably the best entry point
is my website.


00:30:15:09 - 00:30:19:08
Yes, I highly recommend
everybody get to know Dr. Carla.


00:30:19:08 - 00:30:22:03
I have been so lucky to be able
to do that.


00:30:22:03 - 00:30:25:17
Being on her podcast, having her
be on mine.


00:30:25:24 - 00:30:29:02
I know Dr. Carla and I
are going to be connected for life.


00:30:29:02 - 00:30:30:18
She's never leaving my life.


00:30:30:18 - 00:30:33:13
You can never leave.


00:30:33:13 - 00:30:35:11
You're so amazing.


00:30:35:11 - 00:30:36:22
Thank you everyone.


00:30:36:22 - 00:30:38:20
Thank you Dr. Carla.


00:30:38:20 - 00:30:40:16
Thank you. Amazing Dr..


00:30:40:16 - 00:30:43:17
Supatrat for your energy is just blissful.


00:30:43:17 - 00:30:46:00
You are such so radiant.


00:30:46:00 - 00:30:47:12
So thank you for having me.


00:30:47:12 - 00:30:49:24
Thank you to your listeners as well.


00:30:49:24 - 00:30:54:13
I feel like we're mirroring each other
because that's what I see in you.


00:30:55:04 - 00:30:59:08
Thank you everyone for tuning into the
ANEW Body Insight podcast.


00:30:59:08 - 00:31:02:07
We are looking forward
to our next exciting interview.


00:31:02:07 - 00:31:04:20
We really hope you join us next time.


00:31:06:11 - 00:31:10:09
Thanks for tuning into the ANEW Body Insight podcast.


00:31:10:16 - 00:31:14:03
Please remember, the content shared on this podcast is for entertainment


00:31:14:03 - 00:31:17:05
purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.


00:31:17:15 - 00:31:18:17
You can find us anywhere


00:31:18:17 - 00:31:22:19
podcasts are streaming on YouTube @my.anew.insight


00:31:22:24 - 00:31:24:24
and at anew-insight. com


00:31:24:24 - 00:31:27:15
 under the ANEW Body Insight podcast tab.


00:31:27:15 - 00:31:31:05
Follow us on our socials @my.anew.insight on Facebook,


00:31:31:05 - 00:31:33:01
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00:31:33:01 - 00:31:37:07
for more updates. Tune in next time and evolve with us.