Unlocking Healthier Relationships: Insights from ANEW Body Insight with LA Love Lab Experts |ANew Ep 43

Join host Dr. Supatra Tovar on her empowering journey through the 44th episode of the ANEW Body Insight podcast. Dive into an enlightening discussion with the esteemed Drs. Richard Espinoza and Nazanin Moali from LA Love Lab, who explore the intricate dynamics of early relationships, sexuality, and modern matchmaking techniques. This episode provides invaluable insights into recognizing and understanding the patterns that shape our relationships from childhood, highlighting how these can be redirected through therapy and self-awareness to foster healthier connections.

Recorded at City Club Los Angeles, this episode isn't just a conversation; it's a journey into the psyche, explaining how our earliest experiences can set expectations for relationships that may not align with reality. The discussion extends into the realms of chemical dependency, addiction treatment, and the struggle against eating disorders, providing a robust context for the psychological and emotional tools necessary for personal growth.

Whether you're dealing with relationship dynamics, understanding the role of entertainment in shaping sexual expectations, or just looking for a push towards self-improvement, this podcast is your gateway to better understanding yourself and others. The detailed exploration of attachment styles, the importance of genuine connection, and the tools for creating meaningful relationships are particularly useful for anyone looking to deepen their interpersonal relationships.

For more information about Drs.. Richard Espinoza & Nazanin Moali here are their social media channels link:  https://www.instagram.com/lovelabmatchmaking/ ,www.lalovelab.com , https://drrichardespinoza.com/ , https://oasis2care.com/nazanin-moali-psychologist-torrance-ca/ 

Tune in to evolve with us, gain new perspectives, and discover the keys to unlocking a healthier, more insightful life. This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in psychology, personal development, or just becoming a better version of themselves.

Listen on all major streaming platforms or visit anew-insight.com to watch and listen under the ANEW Body Insight podcast tab. Don’t forget to follow us on social media @my.anew.insight for more updates and inspiring content.

Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

00:00:02:04 - 00:00:03:18
Welcome
to the ANEW Body Insight podcast,


00:00:04:03 - 00:00:07:05
empowering and inspiring your journey to optimal health.


00:00:07:19 - 00:00:11:01
Hosted by Dr. Supatra Tovar, clinical psychologist,


00:00:11:01 - 00:00:16:03
registered dietitian, fitness expert, and author of Deprogram Diet Culture:


00:00:16:03 - 00:00:19:23
Rethink Your Relationship with Food, Heal Your Mind, and Live a Diet-Free


00:00:19:23 - 00:00:25:00
Life, and Chantal Donnelly, physical therapist and author of Settled:


00:00:25:00 - 00:00:27:23
How to Find Calm in a Stress Inducing World.


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Here at City Club Los Angeles, we follow our guests journey to optimal


00:00:31:20 - 00:00:35:22
health, providing you with the keys to unlock your own wellness path.


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Tune in and evolve with us.


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Hello and welcome to the ANEW Body
Insight podcast.


00:00:43:21 - 00:00:48:04
I am Doctor Supatra Tovar
and I am thrilled to have Doctors


00:00:48:04 - 00:00:52:21
Nazanin Moali and Doctor
Richard Espinoza with us today.


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They are going to talk about
their matchmaking service,


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LA Love Lab, and we cannot wait.


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Welcome you two.


00:01:01:19 - 00:01:02:14
Thank you.


00:01:02:14 - 00:01:04:00
(clapping)


00:01:04:18 - 00:01:07:05
I'm going to read a little bit
about these lovely Doctors


00:01:07:05 - 00:01:10:05
and then we will get right
into our questions.


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Doctor Nazanin Moali, Doctor
M, is a licensed clinical


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psychologist, consultant and researcher
based in California.


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Known for her specialized expertise
in eating disorders and addiction.


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With extensive training
from leading experts, Doctor


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Moali combines her academic background
in biology and psychology


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from UC San Diego with advanced degrees
in clinical psychology


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from Pepperdine University
and Alliant International University.


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(whispering) I went there too.


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(laughter)


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She brings a wealth of experience
from her work


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in chemical dependency, addiction
treatment and eating disorder therapy


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to her practice. 


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As a frequent speaker


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at major universities
and international conferences, 


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Doctor Moali also provides
guidance on local television,


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addressing key areas in mental
health and wellness.


00:02:04:16 - 00:02:09:17
She also has a very popular podcast
called Sexology


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and she has amazing podcast episodes.


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So I recommend you check her out.


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Now, Doctor
Richard Espinoza, known as Doctor E,


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is a Los Angeles
based clinical psychologist and relationship


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expert renowned for his work
in sexuality and modern matchmaking.


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With a unique approach
to relationship dynamics, Doctor E blends


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psychological assessments, talk therapy
and matchmaking


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to empower individuals
and foster authentic connections.


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His expertise spans teaching,
activism and public speaking,


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where he shares practical insights
on self-discovery and relational growth.


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Doctor E's initiatives aim to build
stronger, healthier connections


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through accessible, transformative
guidance on relationship and sexuality topics.


00:03:05:19 - 00:03:07:06
Welcome both of you.


00:03:07:06 - 00:03:09:07
Thank you so much for joining me.


00:03:09:07 - 00:03:10:10
Thank you for having us.


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Thanks for having us, yeah.


00:03:11:20 - 00:03:15:02
Well, I'm
so excited to hear about LA Love Lab.


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But before we get into that,
I want to know from both of you


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we can start with Doctor
E and then go to Doctor M.


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A little bit about yourselves,
about your road to becoming psychologists,


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and what made you two then team up
to develop La Love Lab? Doctor E.


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Okay, so I can just say ditto to the intro that was said, ditto. (laughter) That’s me.


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I am a sexuality specialist.


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I identify as a gay man,
and it kind of wasn't a question for me.


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I just knew I wanted to work with,
my same, my queer community.


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And it just happened.


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It just unfurled.


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So, like, even from the beginning
of my clinical training and such,


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I was always funneled,
the LGBTQ plus identified patients.


00:04:03:11 - 00:04:08:01
And I realized just early on, I really
enjoyed working within my own community.


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And the thing that I heard the most
when I would try to just level


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and develop rapport with clients early on,
especially in the early training years,


00:04:18:09 - 00:04:23:19
was that they have the clients
that I was working with usually had a few


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prior therapists most of the time,
and that's just how math works.


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Most of their,


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therapists were allies or somehow,
you know, just straight identified.


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And so the biggest concern I'd hear
from members of my own community was that,


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clinicians kind of tense up


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or, just don't know how to discuss
their relationship concerns.


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So early on, I noticed
I noticed that gap in


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within my community and within treatment.


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And so I filled it. And here I am now.


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So I really enjoy working with people,
you know, of all walks of life


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with their relationships and just


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helping them just feel comfortable,
contained, safe to talk


00:05:02:08 - 00:05:06:05
about their love lives, their sex lives,
and just how they bond with other people.


00:05:06:13 - 00:05:09:00
What made
you want to become a psychologist?


00:05:09:00 - 00:05:10:06
Oh good question.


00:05:10:06 - 00:05:14:23
So the grad school answer
for my grad school interviews was that,


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I know what it's like to be wanted,
to be needed.


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I like helping people,
and I like getting into people's minds.


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I have to say, it's still dynamic


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my answer.


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I really enjoy
having in-depth conversations with people.


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I really appreciate
when people are vulnerable and open up to me.


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kind of like my own private, like Audible
book of someone's autobiography.


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So I'm still working on my answer.


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I just know I love it


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where I'm at, and maybe decades from now,
I'll have that polished answer.


00:05:45:14 - 00:05:48:14
But, well, that's all we need to know
is that you love it,


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because I think that
that just fuels the work.


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And by the way, fun fact
the three of us are all on the board


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of the Los Angeles
County Psychological Association.


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That's how we met.


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And so these two especially
have such a passion for what they do,


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but also for giving back to the community
and really kind of spreading, you know,


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destigmatizing mental health and,
you know, making it accessible for all.


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So we're really, really lucky
to have you both on the board.


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Doctor M,


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give us a little insight
into how you got into psychology.


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What was your inspiration?


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And then you can tell us
how the two of you formed L.A. Love Lab.


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Absolutely.
Thank you for this opportunity.


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I was born and raised in Iran
in a very conservative community,


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and there was a huge stigma
related to mental health.


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I was born right after revolution,
during the war.


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So firsthand
I've noticed how people suffering.


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It was impacting their quality of life
and how much pain they were enduring.


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And the message they were getting, oh tough it up.


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Like, it’s like, you focus on life
and people were in survival mode.


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So early on, I realized that people's pain


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is worth paying attention to
because sometimes you have a broken leg,


00:07:05:21 - 00:07:07:17
everyone is there to help you.


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But if you have depression, anxiety,
people think that's something that you can


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just push it aside.


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So that was something


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I was very passionate about helping people
with acute mental illness.


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Ever since I was younger.


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I in my culture, like the options are


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whether you're a physician,
(laughter) you're an engineer.


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So I was an undergrad
and then I was studying biology.


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I started working at VA and doing,


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like doing internship with VA for research
and hearing people's stories.


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And I was so moved by people's stories.


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Resiliency,
going through this tough situations and,


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learning about their lives
was so inspiring.


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So that's why I was like, oh, I want to be
in the business of helping people heal


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and also be part of their journey of,
rediscovering themselves.


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And it's been such a, rewarding journey.


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It has for all of us.


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I can imagine. As far as how Doctor
E and I came up with this idea, is that,


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we see lots of professional,
successful people at our practices,


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and over lunch one day,  we were chatting about
how challenging it is to see


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all these wonderful people that they want
to be in relationships, they are.


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So they have self awareness,
they're invested,


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but they're suffering because there's no
not a way for them to connect.


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And we're talking about how online
dating often fails people. Yes.


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Like they're going over and over


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doing these dates
and they feel they're so unmotivated.


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So we're thinking about
if we can curate these events based on,


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the tenants psychology tenant
that we know that can help people,


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increase
their possibility of meeting their mate.


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That was something
that we wanted to be part of.


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Oh, I love that.


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So what are some of the psychology tenets


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that people need to embrace
in order to find their mate?


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One of the bigger one is having this awareness,


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self-awareness about who am I,
what are my needs and what are my values.


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Because we are living in a society
that kind of forced us to portray


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this version of ourself,
like in order to be able to be desirable, dateable,


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you got to have like, you got to present
just one version of yourself.


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People going on these dates,
not showing their authentic self.


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And that gets in the way of them connecting.


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So I think self-awareness
is one of the biggest tenants.


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Absolutely. What do you think?


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I think expanding on something
that, Doctor M said,


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it's, yes,


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we are forced to give one dimension
of ourselves to other people.


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We are in our current society and how
social media and mass communication goes.


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We're encouraged to give a one
dimensional, curated version of ourselves.


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And I think expanding on what Doctor
M just said, just accepting that you,


00:10:04:21 - 00:10:07:14
me, all of us,
we're multidimensional creatures,


00:10:07:14 - 00:10:12:22
so we really need to unabashedly explore
all of the dimensions of ourselves,


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even the parts that don't look
as polished, as curated.


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And so it's still on that note
of just self


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understanding, self awareness,
but all of the self.


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So how do people do that then?


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How do they show?


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I think it's
a really vulnerable space.


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I mean I've done online dating
and it's actually how I met my husband.


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And yay it worked out.


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Hooray! But I think that


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you do
have to present a kind of a package,


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I guess, because it's almost like you're,
you know, online shopping.


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But then how do you show more of you


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in that initial meeting?


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I think it starts before that


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initial meeting.
Still on the theme of self-discovery.


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I think it honestly starts
with having deep, honest conversations.


00:11:01:10 - 00:11:03:20
Yes, with the self,
but with with other people.


00:11:04:04 - 00:11:07:04
With trusted loved ones,
with a psychotherapist,


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someone who, you know,
is going to hold you accountable


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and remain objective from time to time,
hold space for you and ultimately,


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you know, call you out


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when you need to be.
I think we all would benefit from that


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before
we even try to go on that first date.


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But to answer your question,
when we're on that first date,


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I think it starts
that little bit of vulnerability


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that really goes a long way starts with
simply maybe just saying, you know what?


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I'm a little bit nervous.


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I'm excited to see you,
but I'm also nervous at the same time.


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And I think really that brings down
a lot of defenses already.


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Yeah.
When you're just getting to know somebody.


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I actually think vulnerable vulnerability
is a string.


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People think that it makes them look weak.


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But I think when you are relatable
and you admit that you have, you know,


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these nerves and you're you're
you're a little scared or you're anxious,


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it helps to open up that conversation.


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But what do you think
are like the most common barriers?


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That's probably one trying
not to be vulnerable.


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But what are the most common barriers


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people face when trying to form
these genuine connections,


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especially in today's dating environment?


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I see one of the challenges for my client
is this feeling of dating fatigue. Right?


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You're going on so many dates
and it feels like second job


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for many of my clients,
and it's hard to be present in order


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for you to be able to connect,
to be vulnerable, you got to be present.


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But if you're feeling jaded, discouraged,
not present,


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that gets in the way
of really connecting with people.


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So I think bringing intentionality
to dating that


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can really help people
to find, and get better matches.


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What do you think?


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I think,
so mine is going to sound paradoxical,


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but I think the unwillingness
to be single, to be with oneself,


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I think unfortunately,


00:13:03:11 - 00:13:06:23
the way that many folks
that I've worked with cope with that


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inability,
unwillingness to be single is to go


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the opposite, go really hard
and almost often scare people off.


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Just going in too hard,
coming off a bit too clingy, too dependent


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because a person fears being by oneself.


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So how do you cultivate that?
If you are so afraid of being alone,


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how do you cultivate being okay
with being single?


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What I would suggest is confronting it.


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Consciously dedicating an era
in one's life. An era can be any time span


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for that person,
but carve out and consciously,


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carve out some time to just be single
and to sit with that


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and to really ask oneself, like,
can I go through a winter holiday season unparntered?


00:13:52:16 - 00:13:54:08
Can I go through X, Y, and Z?


00:13:54:08 - 00:13:58:02
Could I go through a birthday or so forth?
Just to be hopefully


00:13:58:02 - 00:13:59:12
comfortably single at one point.


00:13:59:12 - 00:14:01:17
Yeah, I have a tip. Get a dog.


00:14:01:17 - 00:14:03:02
(laughter)


00:14:03:09 - 00:14:05:08
That makes it really easy to be single.


00:14:05:08 - 00:14:08:16
That actually makes you not want to go out
because you want to be with your dog.


00:14:09:05 - 00:14:10:09
What do you think of that?


00:14:10:09 - 00:14:11:11
You heard it here first y’all.


00:14:11:11 - 00:14:12:21
(laughter)


00:14:12:21 - 00:14:15:12
Alright,
so let's hear about LA Love Lab.


00:14:15:12 - 00:14:18:04
What makes this
matchmaking service different


00:14:18:04 - 00:14:21:05
from all the others,
and why should people choose it?


00:14:22:03 - 00:14:24:01
Well, one of the


00:14:24:01 - 00:14:27:06
intentions
that Doctor E and I had was to make sure


00:14:27:06 - 00:14:31:13
that we are matching people
that are aligned in their values.


00:14:31:20 - 00:14:35:22
Sometimes we are going on dating apps,
too, just like based on the profiles.


00:14:35:22 - 00:14:38:19
And it's hard to be really open.


00:14:38:19 - 00:14:42:02
But if you know there is someone
that does that assessment for you,


00:14:42:02 - 00:14:46:07
you know this person that's in
front of you, they have similar values


00:14:46:07 - 00:14:52:22
under align on important, aspects of life
that is really helpful for people.


00:14:52:22 - 00:14:54:03
So that's one of the bigger


00:14:54:03 - 00:14:58:00
part of our job is to do a great job
hopefully with screening.


00:14:58:15 - 00:15:00:09
And helping people to feel safe.


00:15:00:09 - 00:15:03:13
And their job is just to show up
and check


00:15:03:13 - 00:15:06:20
in with themselves about chemistry
because I think chemistry is important.


00:15:06:20 - 00:15:09:02
That is something
that you want to check in in person.


00:15:09:02 - 00:15:12:19
But as far as logistical part
about kind of allied,


00:15:12:19 - 00:15:16:10
value, alignment,
that's something that we do for them.


00:15:16:16 - 00:15:17:04
And also


00:15:17:04 - 00:15:21:08
we offer many teaching masterminds
at the beginning of all of our events.


00:15:21:08 - 00:15:25:07
So we help people with the skills
that they can use on that day,


00:15:25:11 - 00:15:29:08
to be able to show
the best version of themselves. Yes.


00:15:29:13 - 00:15:30:23
So walk me through it.


00:15:30:23 - 00:15:32:17
Somebody wants to do this.


00:15:32:17 - 00:15:36:11
How do they sign up, and what are the
steps that they go through?


00:15:37:15 - 00:15:41:04
So, they look us up at La Love Lab dot com,


00:15:41:04 - 00:15:44:15
and you'll see on the landing page
where you can sign up for the event.


00:15:44:15 - 00:15:48:04
So you sign up,
we give you your Love Hub account.


00:15:48:15 - 00:15:49:19
Love Hub.


00:15:50:03 - 00:15:51:09
(laughter)


00:15:51:09 - 00:15:55:01
And then part of
that is our online matchmaking quiz.


00:15:55:01 - 00:15:56:09
And this is where you can be


00:15:56:09 - 00:16:00:01
as honest and authentic as you'd like,
which we highly encourage that.


00:16:00:10 - 00:16:04:10
And we ask the tough questions
so you don't have to so that you can


00:16:04:10 - 00:16:07:19
genuinely have a first date
rather than a first interview.


00:16:08:03 - 00:16:09:00
Oh, wow.


00:16:09:00 - 00:16:11:18
So what does the quiz entail?


00:16:11:18 - 00:16:15:08
We look, on
that theme of being multi-dimensional.


00:16:15:14 - 00:16:19:10
We assess attachment style, values,


00:16:19:18 - 00:16:22:18
intimacy, sexual preferences and so forth.


00:16:23:13 - 00:16:25:19
Do you make sure to, match up


00:16:25:19 - 00:16:28:19
an anxious and an avoidant?


00:16:28:19 - 00:16:30:03
Because that's. If you wanna be cruel.


00:16:30:03 - 00:16:31:02
(laughter)


00:16:31:02 - 00:16:34:02
That's the most common pairing of all.


00:16:34:02 - 00:16:36:03
How do you avoid that?


00:16:36:03 - 00:16:40:02
Because I think that those,
you know, two attachment styles


00:16:40:02 - 00:16:43:05
are the most commonly attracted
to each other.


00:16:45:21 - 00:16:48:10
Still on my same theme of confronting it.


00:16:48:10 - 00:16:52:10
So our initial masterclass
will describe a briefly attachment style


00:16:52:11 - 00:16:55:11
so that people can get an understanding
of where they're coming from.


00:16:55:13 - 00:16:58:21
And then we also briefly describe
why, yes,


00:16:58:21 - 00:17:01:21
it's tantalizing for the anxious
the avoided to come together.


00:17:01:21 - 00:17:03:07
It's tale as old as time.


00:17:03:07 - 00:17:04:16
But we actually tell you,


00:17:04:16 - 00:17:07:01
okay, now we're going to ask you
to do something different.


00:17:07:01 - 00:17:08:22
We're going to ask you to challenge that.


00:17:08:22 - 00:17:13:16
What if you actually were matched with
someone who was also anxiously attached?


00:17:13:21 - 00:17:14:23
You could see what that's like.


00:17:14:23 - 00:17:17:07
What if you're avoidantly attached?


00:17:17:07 - 00:17:18:13
What if we match you with someone


00:17:18:13 - 00:17:22:06
who also of that same attachment style
and God forbid, it may actually work.


00:17:22:21 - 00:17:24:23
Interesting, I like that.


00:17:24:23 - 00:17:28:06
What do you think about, you know, what


00:17:28:06 - 00:17:33:03
attachment styles
are most compatible together?


00:17:33:21 - 00:17:37:22
Well, our hope is to help people
to move to secure attachment style.


00:17:37:22 - 00:17:39:16
Right? That's something we do in therapy.


00:17:39:16 - 00:17:43:06
And it's not like
you cannot change your attachment style.


00:17:43:06 - 00:17:46:08
I think it's all about learning
about your patterns.


00:17:46:08 - 00:17:50:23
And what we do is
we give people feedback afterward.


00:17:50:23 - 00:17:54:02
And when we review the application,
we figure out some people


00:17:54:02 - 00:17:57:21
might not be ready for relationship
or pursuing dating.


00:17:57:21 - 00:18:00:17
So that's the place
we give them, information.


00:18:00:17 - 00:18:03:12
But our hope is to give people tools.


00:18:03:12 - 00:18:08:01
So in this new relationship they can move
toward secure attachment style.


00:18:08:01 - 00:18:13:08
So because we want to make sure that
people have, corrective experiences. Yes.


00:18:13:08 - 00:18:17:23
I think we are repeating our past. Then, it will be hard
to have better experiences.


00:18:18:01 - 00:18:19:11
This is awesome.


00:18:19:11 - 00:18:19:22
There's.


00:18:19:22 - 00:18:22:22
You do not see this
in any matchmaking service.


00:18:23:06 - 00:18:27:13
Really kind of delving
into our attachment styles.


00:18:27:13 - 00:18:30:00
And you know what makes us tick.


00:18:30:00 - 00:18:32:06
I think that's brilliant.


00:18:32:06 - 00:18:33:16
What's the next step after that?


00:18:33:16 - 00:18:36:00
They take the quiz. And then what?


00:18:37:19 - 00:18:40:13
Then we give them our feedback.


00:18:40:13 - 00:18:42:02
First off, let them know you know


00:18:42:02 - 00:18:44:13
if they're a good fit for our event
or if they're not.


00:18:44:13 - 00:18:47:04
And then the next step
is showing up to the event.


00:18:47:04 - 00:18:49:23
Okay. So what are the events like?


00:18:49:23 - 00:18:52:14
Our event is like one one step before


00:18:52:14 - 00:18:55:14
what Doctor E was mentioning
is that we are going to go over


00:18:55:14 - 00:19:00:14
every single application that began,
and we're going to pre matched thinking


00:19:00:14 - 00:19:05:10
about based on the values that they have, 
different intimacies that they seek.


00:19:05:18 - 00:19:06:14
We match them.


00:19:06:14 - 00:19:11:01
So after the dating session,
kind of mean master session.


00:19:11:01 - 00:19:14:19
Then they go on these dates
that we curate for them.


00:19:14:19 - 00:19:17:01
For people that we think there a match.


00:19:17:01 - 00:19:20:14
And there will be an opportunity
for people to mingle


00:19:20:14 - 00:19:23:04
with all participants afterwards.


00:19:23:04 - 00:19:26:06
And I think that also gives them
tons of good ideas.


00:19:26:06 - 00:19:26:12
Right?


00:19:26:12 - 00:19:31:16
So what, why I'm not attracted to someone
that's compatible, that's curated for me.


00:19:31:22 - 00:19:34:20
But I am eyeing this person
that's very distracted.


00:19:34:20 - 00:19:38:01
And I think that that's also
can be a good opportunity for people


00:19:38:01 - 00:19:41:09
to see live,
what's working for them and what's not.


00:19:41:09 - 00:19:45:22
And hopefully after the event, we're doing
a post survey, and then that's a place


00:19:45:22 - 00:19:49:21
that we hopefully have tons of matches
and you connect people then.


00:19:50:04 - 00:19:51:08
Right.


00:19:51:08 - 00:19:54:12
So obviously
they're going to go on these dates


00:19:54:12 - 00:19:59:00
and they're going to be communicating
with each other as psychologists do


00:19:59:00 - 00:20:01:22
you help them with communication skills?


00:20:01:22 - 00:20:06:05
And you know, if say,
somebody is just listening to this


00:20:06:12 - 00:20:09:09
and not a part of LA Love Lab,
maybe they're across the country


00:20:09:09 - 00:20:13:19
or across the world, how do they improve
their communication skills?


00:20:14:21 - 00:20:15:08
Excellent.


00:20:15:08 - 00:20:19:22
So when,
people go on to our landing page,


00:20:19:23 - 00:20:24:06
we have the opportunity to provide them
our free initial masterclass.


00:20:24:06 - 00:20:27:21
So it's a condensed version
of what the greater masterclass would be.


00:20:28:03 - 00:20:29:14
And that's going to start people off


00:20:29:14 - 00:20:33:05
with self-confidence
boosting tips and communication skills.


00:20:33:15 - 00:20:37:01
Two of the more important things
that we've both seen clinically


00:20:37:01 - 00:20:41:03
over the years that people really need
to develop to develop and,


00:20:41:08 - 00:20:44:07
cultivate
these really meaningful relationships.


00:20:44:07 - 00:20:47:02
And so when it comes to communication
skills,


00:20:47:02 - 00:20:49:15
we give you, first off, the fundamentals.


00:20:49:15 - 00:20:53:08
And then again, we expand
it more in the actual masterclass itself.


00:20:53:16 - 00:20:56:10
And then after the event
with the mingling,


00:20:56:10 - 00:21:00:19
hour, the last section of our event, that's
where it's time for rubber to meet road.


00:21:01:02 - 00:21:02:23
And so you get to actually apply it here.


00:21:02:23 - 00:21:05:01
Oh wow. So you have them practice it? 


00:21:05:15 - 00:21:06:02
Yes.


00:21:06:02 - 00:21:11:07
Oh that's wonderful
I, I definitely have never heard of,


00:21:11:07 - 00:21:16:19
a group like that
coming together to improve that. So


00:21:17:22 - 00:21:19:03
if somebody


00:21:19:03 - 00:21:22:03
is not able to join your workshop,


00:21:22:05 - 00:21:27:02
how do they go about identifying
and addressing their own relationship


00:21:27:02 - 00:21:31:12
patterns and their behaviors
that might be self-sabotaging?


00:21:32:19 - 00:21:36:11
One thing I think is very important,
I guess the starting part


00:21:36:11 - 00:21:39:22
would be reflecting on the patterns
in your relationships.


00:21:40:07 - 00:21:44:00
What are some of the stories you're
telling about your past relationships?


00:21:44:10 - 00:21:49:03
Because we all have patterns
from our childhood that we are repeating.


00:21:49:03 - 00:21:52:03
So I think identifying
the patterns are very important,


00:21:52:07 - 00:21:56:05
and sometimes our shame,
the strong emotions that we have about


00:21:56:05 - 00:22:00:05
ourself, can get in the way of us
seeing these patterns. Kinda like


00:22:00:05 - 00:22:02:19
knowing back then with the past,
with the information you had,


00:22:02:19 - 00:22:03:19
you did your best.


00:22:03:19 - 00:22:06:14
But let's look at these patterns and see


00:22:06:14 - 00:22:10:10
kind of like what part of these patterns
was your responsibility.


00:22:10:10 - 00:22:15:09
I think one part of, emotional maturity
is for people to identify


00:22:15:15 - 00:22:18:10
what part of this I contributed to,


00:22:18:10 - 00:22:22:16
whether I chose the wrong person,
whether I stayed in a relationship


00:22:22:16 - 00:22:25:08
that wasn't healthy for me,
I wasn't decisive.


00:22:25:08 - 00:22:26:10
All of that.


00:22:26:10 - 00:22:29:08
And if you are struggling with this,
working with a


00:22:29:08 - 00:22:32:14
therapist is very helpful
because it's a muscle.


00:22:32:14 - 00:22:36:02
The more you practice objectively
assessing your pattern, 


00:22:36:02 - 00:22:37:03
the better you get.


00:22:37:03 - 00:22:38:08
But to start it,


00:22:38:08 - 00:22:42:17
it is important to have a, have a guy
that can help you with this journey,


00:22:42:17 - 00:22:43:13
Right.


00:22:43:13 - 00:22:46:17
What do you two see as the most common


00:22:46:17 - 00:22:50:07
relationship patterns
that are self-sabotaging?


00:22:51:16 - 00:22:52:17
I see a lot,


00:22:52:17 - 00:22:55:04
and this also piggybacks
off of what Doctor M just said.


00:22:55:04 - 00:22:58:12
I see a lot of people
not willing to see their contribution to


00:22:59:02 - 00:23:02:10
prior relationships,
not working out or really not wanting


00:23:02:10 - 00:23:05:10
to look at those patterns
sometimes when it's right in their face.


00:23:05:20 - 00:23:06:15
For that as well.


00:23:06:15 - 00:23:08:09
So one of the freebies we'll give here


00:23:08:09 - 00:23:11:16
is like the DBT
skill of build a case for the other side.


00:23:12:05 - 00:23:15:17
So when you actually feel
an intense emotion especially when it's


00:23:15:17 - 00:23:17:01
related to relationships.


00:23:17:01 - 00:23:20:02
So this falls under the relationship
effectiveness


00:23:20:03 - 00:23:23:13
or interpersonal effectiveness
subcategory of DBT.


00:23:24:00 - 00:23:26:04
Where okay you feel an intense emotion,


00:23:26:04 - 00:23:30:16
It was probably prompted by some sort
of interpersonal snafu that happened.


00:23:31:02 - 00:23:32:02
Okay.


00:23:32:02 - 00:23:35:07
How how could I actually defend the other side?


00:23:35:07 - 00:23:38:15
How could I actually see
through their eyes in this situation?


00:23:38:15 - 00:23:41:03
How could I actually see
how maybe I offended them?


00:23:41:03 - 00:23:43:16
Or maybe I miscommunicated something?
Yes.


00:23:43:16 - 00:23:47:17
So that's just one of the various skills
that we apply and, you know, educate


00:23:47:22 - 00:23:49:08
our attendees with.


00:23:49:08 - 00:23:53:04
And just to illuminate for our audience
that might not know what DBT


00:23:53:08 - 00:23:55:05
is can you explain that to them?


00:23:55:05 - 00:23:58:23
So dialectical behavior
therapy, started by Marsha Linehan.


00:23:59:06 - 00:24:03:00
And it's specifically intended for people
living with borderline


00:24:03:00 - 00:24:04:14
personality disorder.


00:24:04:14 - 00:24:07:13
But it's not exclusive these days
to that anymore.


00:24:07:16 - 00:24:10:22
All people can benefit
from regulating their emotions


00:24:10:22 - 00:24:14:16
and developing better skills to interact
with other people, skills


00:24:14:16 - 00:24:18:12
to feel better about ourselves,
developing mindfulness and developing,


00:24:18:20 - 00:24:22:14
just better ways
to just interact with others for that.


00:24:22:20 - 00:24:23:12
And so,


00:24:25:08 - 00:24:28:18
DBT sometimes that concerns people


00:24:28:18 - 00:24:32:16
when they hear like acronyms or such,
but it's just regulating one's emotions.


00:24:32:16 - 00:24:35:04
And yes,
it was started with a population that,


00:24:35:04 - 00:24:38:11
you know, emotion dysregulation
is kind of the name of the game,


00:24:38:20 - 00:24:41:20
but it's for all persons
that deal with intense emotions, which


00:24:42:06 - 00:24:44:10
I think all of us can have moments
like that.


00:24:44:10 - 00:24:45:14
Absolutely.


00:24:45:21 - 00:24:51:08
Well, this is a really fascinating service
and I think really novel.


00:24:51:08 - 00:24:54:22
I, I've never heard of anything like this,
and I'm sure people


00:24:55:05 - 00:24:58:05
are going to be flocking to
you in Los Angeles.


00:24:58:07 - 00:25:00:07
Is there any


00:25:00:07 - 00:25:04:09
potential
for any kind of nationwide application


00:25:04:17 - 00:25:07:17
or are you solely Los Angeles based?


00:25:08:03 - 00:25:08:22
At this point,


00:25:08:22 - 00:25:14:03
we're doing it LA event to see
how much we can add to the community.


00:25:14:03 - 00:25:18:09
But hopefully when it's successful,
our plan is to expand it.


00:25:18:14 - 00:25:20:10
Oh, that would be wonderful.


00:25:20:10 - 00:25:23:21
Well, we're out of time for this
half of this podcast, but we have tons


00:25:23:21 - 00:25:29:10
more questions that, you know,
I want to ask you so everyone come back


00:25:29:10 - 00:25:34:11
for the second half of this
amazing episode with Doctors E and M.


00:25:34:11 - 00:25:38:15
And we are going to learn a little bit
more about relationships and


00:25:38:15 - 00:25:42:12
the LA Love Lab.
Thanks so much for joining us this week.


00:25:42:12 - 00:25:44:16
(clapping)


00:25:45:13 - 00:25:49:00
Thanks for tuning into the ANEW Body Insight podcast.


00:25:49:00 - 00:25:52:12
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00:25:52:12 - 00:25:55:13
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00:25:55:22 - 00:25:57:01
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00:25:57:01 - 00:26:01:01
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00:26:01:07 - 00:26:05:12
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00:26:05:21 - 00:26:08:16
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00:26:12:23 - 00:26:17:11
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