Narcissistic Abuse and Childhood Trauma: Hidden Signs You Can’t Ignore | ANEW Ep 131

In this compelling first half of a two-part ANEW Insight conversation, Dr. Supatra Tovar delves into the complex realities of narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma with transpersonal psychologist and trauma expert Dr. Meg Haworth. This episode explores the symptoms of narcissistic abuse—such as chronic self-criticism, identity confusion, and emotional dysregulation—as well as the profound impact these experiences have on survivors. 

Dr. Meg, a survivor of severe trauma including narcissistic parenting, shares her journey and expert insight on how these toxic environments cultivate shame, guilt, and control. The conversation also highlights the significant role of food and body image as tools of control and trauma manifestation, illuminating connections to disordered eating and emotional detachment from hunger cues.

Listeners will gain a clear understanding of the hidden signs of narcissistic abuse, the early warning patterns in narcissistic romantic relationships, and the lasting mental and physical effects on survivors. This episode sets the foundation for Part Two, which introduces Dr. Meg’s Whole Person Integration Technique designed to help survivors reclaim their identity and heal stored trauma.

Whether you have questioned your childhood, struggled with self-worth, or dealt with unexplained physical symptoms, this episode offers clarity, validation, and hope for healing. Tune in and prepare to continue the transformative journey in Part Two.

Together, Dr. Supatra and Dr. Meg break down the common signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse, including:
 • chronic self-criticism
 • identity confusion
 • hypervigilance
 • perfectionism
 • emotional dysregulation
 • trauma-related eating patterns
 • physical symptoms such as stomach issues, migraines, and chronic stress

Tune in—and return for Part Two as we uncover how trauma is stored in the body and how meaningful transformation becomes possible.

Want to know more about Dr Meg Haworth? Here are her social media Links: https://meghaworth.com/. https://www.linkedin.com/in/meghaworth, https://www.instagram.com/drmeghaworth/?hl=en, https://www.youtube.com/c/DrMegHaworth, https://www.facebook.com/coachdrmeghaworth/.

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Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:00

Hello and welcome. I am thrilled to have transpersonal psychologist, mind-body medicine practitioner and trauma expert Dr. Meg Haworth with us today, Dr. Meg. Hi. So we're really gonna get into that. But before we do, I'm gonna read a bit more about Dr. Meg, and then we will delve into our questions. Dr. Meg Haworth is a Los Angeles based transpersonal psychologist, mind-body medicine practitioner, and she is also a fellow nutrition expert like me, who helps survivors of trauma, especially narcissistic abuse, heal and reclaim their sense of wholeness. a process that helps clients access and release trauma stored in the body, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild authentic identity. Dr. Meg has been featured on NBC Nightly News, the Los Angeles Times and Hay House Radio, and you guys as the author of eight, count them eight. Books, including the bestseller because it's called ANEW Insight, I always want to understand what inspired you, what gave you the insight to dedicate your practice to helping survivors of narcissistic abuse. Obviously you have your own background.

Dr. Meg Haworth: 0:04

publicly, because of all of the silencing that gets done. The silencing, the shaming, the criticism, of those things. So it's, it was a lot for me to overcome personally, to professionally be able to step out there and go, look, hey, I'm a beacon of light for you. I'm here to help you with this particular issue, which is so complex so insidious. Yeah, so there was a lot of shaming, guilting, very authoritarian household, lots of your, the rules had rules and you didn't know what the next rule was until the last, the next, the new one was broken. You didn't even know it was a rule. It was just constant like that. There was a lot of dismissal., Or it's interesting because narcissistic parents put their kids in specific roles. They choose them for these roles, and my role tended to be either scapegoat, so I was being blamed for everything because I was the truth teller who would stand up and go, Hey, you did this. And they, if you point out the truth to a narcissist, what's happening is you're. are disintegrating or destroying their narrative, their inner narrative that they have to tell themselves, which is a full on fantasy of who they want to project themselves to be, but it's not who they are. Neglect is massive and it's all about the narcissistic parent. So we all had to focus on that parent. But they were so good at making it seem like it was not just them, it was the siblings, because then they pit you against each other inside of the family system. And that was and still is incredibly damaging. Like trying to recover those relationships has been, it's almost impossible unless each person does work on themselves and is really dedicating to doing that

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:07

And when you look at the other siblings, if there are other siblings, there's usually one or two that are the golden children or child, and they're the ones who are treated or projected upon by the narcissistic parent as the good one and then the scapegoat is the black sheep.

Dr. Meg Haworth: 0:08

It's sort of answering bigger questions, but in terms of borderline, I do see, because I am aware of course of those that there is a lot of crossover between those two or co-occurring.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:09

Not just narcissism that we're seeing, but also potentially borderline or, or the chronic PTSD from the parent?

Dr. Meg Haworth: 0:10

And they're not there for you, but you have to be there for them. And it's a tremendous amount of responsibility to put on a child. You've gotta take care of me. I'm the only one who really matters in the system, so you need to focus on me and my needs. Yeah, and so it's a holistic issue, so it can be any one of your holistic systems, mental, emotional, physical, energetic, spiritual. The whole thing gets affected by this. So things like low self-esteem and basically how you see yourself is really important, but if you're seeing yourself as you don't matter. Because this is one of the big things that gets communicated to you when you have a narcissistic parent. You're not important. You don't matter. I'm the only one that matters. And so, and that you are not lovable, you're never gonna get it right 'cause you're always being thrown in the double bind, that manipulation tactic that they use constantly. The double bind basically being, you can't get it right. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. So you'll recognize that you are really hard on yourself. that's a huge thing that we see the people pleasing that you started to talk about. And what that means too is 'cause it's wonderful if you have those qualities where you wanna help other people and you genuinely care. But when you're compromising yourself to make somebody else happy. You're used to that Yeah, and so it's a holistic issue, so it can be any one of your holistic systems, mental, emotional, physical, energetic, spiritual. The whole thing gets affected by this. So things like low self-esteem and basically how you see yourself is really important, but if you're seeing yourself as you don't matter. Because this is one of the big things that gets communicated to you when you have a narcissistic parent. You're not important. You don't matter. I'm the only one that matters. And so, and that you are not lovable, you're never gonna get it right 'cause you're always being thrown in the double bind, that manipulation tactic that they use constantly. The double bind basically being, you can't get it right. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. So you'll recognize that you are really hard on yourself. that's a huge thing that we see the people pleasing that you started to talk about. And what that means too is 'cause it's wonderful if you have those qualities where you wanna help other people and you genuinely care. But when you're compromising yourself to make somebody else happy. You're used to that Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So that that people pleasing perfectionism can be a huge thing that because you don't ever get it right, you may start something and never complete it. Or be afraid to complete it because you're also afraid of the criticism that you're gonna get on the other side of completing that thing. And then because you never get it right, you're really hard on yourself. That's a huge thing I see. And. A lot of aha moments with clients where they finally go, oh my gosh, I did not realize I was talking to myself in the exact same way that my narcissistic parent talked to me. And when they, the light goes on and they say, you know, I'm cruel to me, I horrible things to myself. Why am I here? What's the purpose of my life? What do I have to offer the world? Because the thing that doesn't happen is you don't get to individuate from the narcissistic parent. I'll see people in their fifties and sixties who still have never done that because that parent sees them, sees you as an extension of them. You are like an arm or a leg, you're a limb, so you should be able to do for them whatever they want you to do, but when you don't, Just the explosive behaviors that come your way for not showing up the way they told you to, even if you do show up the way they told you to, you're gonna get it wrong. And this is where we really get deep into what I do, an emotional root cause of illness or symptoms in the body because people tend to get physically ill from narcissistic abuse. And this was my own story, Who you are, you eventually, you're. Your biology can't sustain itself anymore 'cause it doesn't have enough energy available to you to be able to run your biology, so then you start to become ill. And so stomach problems, digestive issues, headaches, migraine headaches. This is something I had. And a lot of those have to do with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that you're holding. And when something triggers you intothat group of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. So for instance every time you have a migraine, you've actually been triggered into a self-abuse cycle.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:17

Yes, I would say too because I treat a lot of disordered eating and eating disorders, I see a lot of difficulties with eating coming from that. And that can run the entire spectrum of eating disorders from anorexia nervosa where somebody, has experienced just this complete disorganized detachment, narcissistic abuse,

Dr. Meg Haworth: 0:18

All the time. Yeah. It's such a common thing to see that relationship with food or alcohol is another one, which of course, you know, 'cause a lot of people come to me for, because of weight gain. And they start to put together, oh, weight and emotions, oh, those are really interconnected and I wanna stop emotionally eating that kind of thing. So yeah, I do see that a lot. Then they may be force feeding. And if you think about the emotional, relationship, you start to develop with food because of that. Another thing they may do is they may cut you down because you're just weighing too much. Those jeans are really tight on you. You're really carrying a lot more weight than you should. And so they may withhold food from you, they'll withhold the food. And sometimes I've seen them lock the food up so they can't even get to the food. So then now they're being. It's all about control, right? Narcissistic abuse is control. And so they're trying to control how much you get when you get it. I've seen that happen. And another thing, you know, they'll put you down for your weight, even though you're probably just right.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:20

Yes. I've seen in some of my clients being weighed and measured in certain times to make sure that they're in the proper category and things like that. There's just so many ways that food is used as a weapon or your weight is used as a weapon with narcissistic parents.

Dr. Meg Haworth: 0:21

And this can, this would start in the dating phases of the relationship where they tend to move it very quickly and like, oh my gosh, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. It was so incredible. And they do this thing called mirroring where they'll, they'll ask you a question and then agree with you and tell you exactly that's exactly what they want. Like, oh, how many kids do you want? Well, I would really love to have two. Really? Me too. Exactly. And so. So you think they're listening to you and you think that they're engaging with you and that they're just like this perfect mirror image of you you're just like, wow, I finally found my soulmate. Just too sensitive or make you doubt your reality by so you're sharing a story, like the story of how you met, oh no, it didn't happen like that. So they'll put down what you're sharing, but not only that, they may completely say that what you're sharing, that never happened. You thought you get in the car on the way home. And they're like, he's like. I don't know about that one friend of yours, did you notice how she blah, blah, blah? And so then they start cutting down your friends, and so then they're trying to isolate you. And then you may feel like, at first you'll feel like, oh wow, just us and what a beautiful thing we're forming together, that we get to be so close.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:24

cutting you down, wearing away your self-esteem to even physical and further emotional abuse. But as soon as the love bombing starts again, the person is intoxicated again. And they tend to think, well, this is just who he is. And that, the other times, no, that's not really him. He was just under stress. How the body is you know, trauma is stored in the body and how we can help people release that stored trauma. So you guys, you gotta come back. This is an incredibly insightful episode where we're learning about narcissistic abuse and how we can navigate ourselves out of this.